i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
