Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
