I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
