and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
