Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
