What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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