If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
