i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
