How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
