I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
