Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
