My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
