my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
