bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
