a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
