both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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