i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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