I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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