This is not my ceiling
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
