just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
