Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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