Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
