I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
