You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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