what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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