you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
