Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
