there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
