I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
