ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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