Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
