Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
