Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
