Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Randomize
