screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
