Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
