I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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