Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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