What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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