I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
