I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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