you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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