my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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