just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
