Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
