Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
