he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
