grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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