Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My vagina is very pro this idea
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
