Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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